Thursday, June 25, 2009

rePubOLITICO Watch

New low in hacktacular: Barack Obama is in big trouble, because he's "too perfect" (read: monogamous). Also, he's just like Mitt Romney and Martha Stewart, and look what happened to them. And look, we have like nine GOP consultants who will say so! On the record, even!

Also, Jon Stewart is "exasperated." He doesn't say so, but The rePubOLITICO can just tell.

None of this could possibly be related to Mark Sanford or John Ensign, and Barack Obama should just resign before he doesn't do something wrong again.

1 comment:

Doghouse Riley said...

The former Massachusetts governor and GOP presidential candidate is a spectacularly good-looking man, extremely wealthy, well-spoken and accomplished in his professional career. And a segment of the voting public hated him for it.

As far as I know (let's say "fairly exhaustive amateur researcher") there's no drug, legal or illegal, that makes you think or talk like this, no neuropathology to explain it; certainly there's no logical process that would cause it (excepting, maybe, a lifetime spent in a tiger cage or Skinner box, but Eamon Javers is thirty-six years old; who would have been force-feeding him Mitt Romney PR since the late 1970s?). There's Hypertrophic Beltway Insider Syndrome, but this surely exceeds the worst recorded examples by an order of magnitude. The use of that made-up demi-statistic proves that, at least in some sense, Javers is "doing his job" rather than simply hallucinating uncontrollably, but the suggestion that anyone thought Mittens "too perfect" rather than "a complete phony willing to say anything to get the nomination" is either a brilliant literary creation or the early onset of dementia. We take as a given that, even in this country the odds of finding anyone who'd say something like that, even for money, under his own name are slim. My demented mother used to confabulate like that; now she mostly grins a lot, and the kid next door used to go on in much the same way, but then he turned six. It's just a hunch, but I think if an answer is to be found it'll be in some obscure 19th century medical journal, or, perhaps, the bite of radioactive nit.

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