New low in hacktacular: Barack Obama is in big trouble, because he's "too perfect" (read: monogamous). Also, he's just like Mitt Romney and Martha Stewart, and look what happened to them. And look, we have like nine GOP consultants who will say so! On the record, even!
Also, Jon Stewart is "exasperated." He doesn't say so, but The rePubOLITICO can just tell.
None of this could possibly be related to Mark Sanford or John Ensign, and Barack Obama should just resign before he doesn't do something wrong again.