How's this for an opening graf? (From someone who doesn't even work in retail!)

A non-refundable $45 fee on a bank statement whose existence cannot be explained by anyone; Raytheon’s Twitter account responding to a jape from Lockheed Martin’s Twitter account with a GIF of a grimacing Steve Carell from an episode of The Office; a show on The Learning Channel that is just goateed men dropping bricks on each other from increasingly great heights; the broader vibe and actual experience of Netflix; a meme on a relative’s Facebook page in which a Minion is dressed like a police officer for reasons that are not immediately clear. All strong competitors, to be sure, but for my money the most patently and potently of-this-moment experience currently available is that of being talked down to by an extremely rich person who is obviously dumber than you.

The rest, from David Roth, is also as good. It's about the current state of affairs in Major League Baseball, but it doesn't take much effort to see how it extends.

Exactly right, @MadBastardsAll

Chris Thompson nails it:

The Cardinal Way isn’t playing the right way, it’s making a big fucking deal out of playing the right way ...

Way back, when I was a kid and dinosaurs roamed the Earth, I loved me some Bob Gibson and Lou Brock, to the point where my maternal grandfather banished me from the house during the 1967 World Series.

Not sure when it began, but I did at some point, some years later, start becoming sick of the sanctimony of the St. Louis Cardinals. Or, at least, clowns like Joe Buck (of Fox Sports, of course) intoning about them.

And then, one day, Tony LaRussa and Albert Pujols were prominently on display at a Glenn Beck rally. (This is back when that slob was big -- kind of the Donald Trump of his day.) I've never forgiven either for that, and will not, until they publicly apologize.

I do, however, love me some Yadier Molina. So, since they're apparently rebuilding ...

First step, IMNSHO? Make Dexter Fowler happy.

Yesterday, in history

Nineteen years and several hours ago:

(alt. video link)

Your moment of unsurprising news

And you thought eBay was no fun anymore.

Sports Business Daily found that over the first half of this year’s Major League Baseball season, 91 percent of player profits in daily fantasy sports were won by just 1.3 percent of the players. In fact, the top 11 players on average paid $2 million in entry fees and made $135,000 in profit while accounting for 17 percent of all entry fees.

Many of the professionals use automated processes that let them change hundreds, if not thousands, of lineups in seconds, a decided advantage when last-minute changes are made in the lineups of real football, basketball or baseball teams.

I never have understood why American English has not embraced the term punters. Denial, I suspect.

Anyway, the FBI has expressed interest, and I gotta say, I'm snickering, just a bit.

Snort

Pretty funny caption on Deadspin, beginning:

Michelle Rhee attempts thought leadership ...

Main point of the story surprised me: I did not know that there's all this hate for Kevin Johnson. (I also did not know the two were married.)

In conclusion, charter schools still seem terrible every time reality intrudes.

Not THE Dooley Womack!

I think Bouton's angst may finally have been beaten:

Alexey Shved, who had some good, subtle advanced statistics, was promptly traded for [blah, blah] and the rights to a Ukrainian playing in Spain.

Missed this last week, but ...

... wow, just when you thought Peak Wingnut was almost nearly maybe in sight (sorry, JC), it apparently became time to come out of the fort built from couch cushions to bellow about that noted liberal spearhead of political correctness run amok, the NFL brass.

And also, "... because corporate America is, itself, liberal ..."

Bless you and your cast-iron stomach once again, Roy Edroso.

Upon further review ...

... or reflection, I guess ...

... that catch by Nori Aoki might be the greatest catch I have ever seen.

The GIF here will remind you, if you, too, were lucky enough to see it live, but it doesn't come close to doing it justice. I've seen a couple hundred more prodigious feats of sheer athleticism, but I've never seen one outfielder back up another that close to the wall. In any league. And certainly never to that good effect.

If memory serves, none of the three fine commentators even knew who, if anybody, had the ball, until a certain grinning rightfielder was halfway back to the dugout and, off-handedly?, turned his glove the other way.

Not even an ice cream cone. In the web, all the way.

Hey. Stop living my dream.

Bottom of the fifth, two out. You've been pitching your usual well, but you're down one. Tying run on third didn't get driven in when it was one out. Now you're up to bat. You're leading the division, but your magic number is irritatingly still in existence, and you're playing your contender.

Triple, all the way to the wall, right-center gap.

DAMN YOU, KERSHAW.

[Later] Also, that Yasiel Puig can muthafuckin' throw, can't he?

Yazwho!

Congratulations, Mr. Jeter.

Thought balloon

OMG. NOBODY TOLD ME THERE WOULD BE CAMERAS.

</Timmy>

A somewhat alarming piece of litter

When fully zoomed in, at least.

[ + ]

Things that make your shoulder creak

A caption from an (otherwise) enjoyable report from someplace in spring training:

The Rockies’ LaTroy Hawkins, left, is the longest-tenured player, debuting in April 1995.

Come on. That's like, what, nine years ago?

</senior moment>

Not even making this up

Or, typo of the day.

Jason Collins' jersey skyrockets to No. 1 on sales list

Happy headline! But then, an opening sentence. A lede, if you will.

Jason Collins' signing with the Brooklyn Nets as the fist openly gay professional athlete has been described as ...

ARRRRRR, CBS Sports.

(h/t: Lisa Needham)

Lucky for them the War stayed Cold, then, huh?

From a story about misfortunes surrounding this year's running of the Olympic Torch:

Russia’s torches were manufactured in Siberia at a reported cost of $6.4 million by KrasMash, which usually makes submarine-launched ballistic missiles.

Or, maybe there's more power in the word flamer than we ever knew?

In a better world, just saying "context matters" would suffice

Of course we do not live anywhere near that world. On the upside, we have Ta-Nehisi Coates, who has the patience to elaborate and the chops in so doing to make me say, for only about the 4,037th time, that's what I think, and that's what I would have said, if only ...

Minor point of disagreement, with one of TNC's examples: I'm fine with Matt Barnes's use of "niggas" in the context of his tweet. I don't expect that I'll ever use the term, being white, and I have no problem with that (as all too many seem to). In fact, I think TNC's call of "inappropriate" on this one contradicted the thrust of his argument. But no biggie: he's entitled to judge differently, and I can imagine why he might. And, in fairness, he was contrasting "inappropriate" with some far more heinous events.

On a thoroughly unrelated note, I happened to have been watching the game that led to the tweet, and I thought Barnes deserved to be the only player booted. The third man into a transient exchange of shoves between a pair of NBA players never, to at least three decimal points, has any business being there. Save that "enforcer" nonsense for the NHL and pro wrestling, if you'll pardon the redundancy.

Quarterback blackout?

Click the pic to see the caption more clearly.

__________

[ + ]

Not shown above: Geno Smith

__________

Oh, wait. There he is!

[ + ]

So, despite the DH, not really so different after all

Ripped from context ...

Homo sapiens, the species that would eventually form both the American and National Leagues, ...

I've long known that winning the silver can be painful, but this is news to me

A lede that belongs in the Hall of Infamy:

Seven-time All-Star Grant Hill retired from the NBA on Saturday after 19 seasons, ending a career interrupted by injuries that included an Olympic gold medal.

Revenge of the nerds!

Harvard upsets New Mexico 68-62 in NCAA tourney

More.