There is a massive conspiracy afoot. Some dark force is making off with all of the used floor lamps.
Think about it. When you go into any used furniture store, you'll see massive amounts of used table lamps. They have so many of them that they have to put them on places other than tables.
You couldn't clear the store of them if you had a baseball bat and a system full of greenies.
They are on desks, bookcases, bureaus, chiffarobes, . . . even the floor.
But where are the used floor lamps?
KK and I were in yet another such store today, having scarfed down some Sal's Pizza, and consequently, brimming with inner warmth and good cheer. This store had four large floors, and maybe two floor lamps. We were looking at one of them -- kind of a silly thing from back in the days when "Think Big" was a happening design store -- when over bustled the salesman.
"Is this the only floor lamp you have?" I asked.
His eyes shifted. "Yes, uh . . . Yes."
"Okay, we'll take it," says KK. The guy quickly offers to knock 20% off the price on the tag and hurries us over to the counter.
I ask, "How come there are never any floor lamps in stores like this?"
The salesman mumbles something about "no one uses them anymore . . . all the used ones are rusty . . . they just get stored in people's garages . . ." and gives us the bum's rush out the door.
Like it wasn't completely obvious by then that he was One. Of. Them.
Perhaps I should be donning my tinfoil hat now.
2 comments:
The good part about this story is that it gave me an opportunity to hear KK pull a variation on my favorite joke that he'd tell when I was a kid.
The original version: A guy is hurrying down the street when he turns the corner and is knocked flat by another guy carrying a grandfather clock.
Picking himself up, our guy says, "Why can't you wear a wristwatch like everyone else?"
Today, on the way back to the car, KK says, out of the blue, "Why can't I carry a flashlight, like everybody else?"
And he threw in a yellow yard stick! Probably some sort of minature transponding transmitter so THEY can keep track to see what I do with the lamp.
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