You think you look flakey for having three jobs in eight years? Check out this frag of my resumé:
References available upon request
Jan 2000 - Apr 2000: Some stupid spin-off from an Oort Cloud branch of a Beltway Bandit.May 2000 - Jul 2000: Some massive corporation infested with Stepford Employees.
- Responsible for: wasting time trying to find memory leaks in a colossal kludge posing as a colorization program, which was used to make late-in-her-life Judy Garland TV outtakes seem worth burning onto a CD. As if they were going to be able to sell these to anyone but the six latest newbie/wannabes in West Hollywood. See also that Greek guy who had to roll that boulder up that hill.
Aug 2000 - Sep 2000: Some stupid start-up with a bandwidth-hogging home page that linked to nothing but more piggish graphics and mission statements that would make Scott Adams blush.
- Responsible for: sitting in a cube and trying desperately not to choke the living shit out of the prairie dog in the next cube whose goddam cell phone would go off like every nine seconds but he could never answer it in less than three rings. Spent bulk of time modifying GNU make at my supervisor's request for special-purpose internal application. Got email from corporate saying that, due to FUD, all employees banned from using open source software. For anything. Ever.
- Responsible for: nothing except avoiding wildlife on the highway during the high-speed flee for home every night.
- Challenges: sat in front of the most expensive workstation known to humanity, and tried to convince myself that Rational Software's $20K/seat IDE could actually implement at least one version of "Hello, world."
- Managerial: when asked to confirm my non-disclosure statement upon departure, managed just barely to stifle hysterical laughter: "You mean, don't tell anybody that we're doing nothing here?"
1 comment:
Dilbert lives in Noho!
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