Answering Jennifer

Following Brando's lead, I am posting my answers to Jennifer's Questions here, instead of in her comments. (I might want to change an answer.) Jennifer, if you prefer comments to linkbacks, I apologize. Next time.

1) Have you ever owned or worn a dashiki?

Hell, yes! I loved them, back when they were just going out of fashion. They were mostly hand-me-downs, from the same brothers who gave me their worn-out platform shoes. And who are no doubt laughing at me to this day.

I also liked collarless dress shirts and skinny ties (not at the same time.)

In my own defense, I never liked Members Only jackets.

2) What was your favorite outfit and why?

Anything, so long as I could wear my cowboy boots with it. Count this as yet another thing that George W. Bush has ruined forever. I haven't gone pointy-toed since mid-1999.

3) What would people find most surprising about you?

That I'm a registered Republican. (But there's a sinister motivation at work here …)

4) Do you have a tail?

No. Worrying about being followed is for paranoiacs. I am a neurotic.

5) If you were a cowboy/cowgirl, what would you name your horse?

Jeez, don't ask me that. I'm still embarrassed about my choice of cat names. Not to mention the plethora of cloying nicknames.

6) What's the first thing you think about upon waking in the morning?

Coffee. No matter how badly I have to pee.

7) Hot or cold?

Hot, of course! Oh, not coffee? Well, I think you can always get warm if you're cold, but not vice versa. Does that answer your question?

8) Literal or lateral?

"Lateral" bugs me, because it is often used to mean not just to the side, but backwards, as well.

9) Rain or shine?

I lived in L.A. for a decade, and grew to hate the incessant nice days. Rain, for sure.

10) What scares you the most?

Well, right now, I am recovering from pulling down plaster ceilings in my new old house, which meant much mouse scat fell upon me. Despite wearing a face mask, I have to say: Hantavirus.

But, ongoing, I also worry that Homeland Security listens in when I make up new nicknames for my cats.

11) Worst moment that turned into a best?

Driving a car in a heavy snowstorm that broke down in the middle of nowhere, with my uber-frail grandmother in the back seat. She, being Irish, worried that the battery had died because she had asked me to run the heat. After falling over a guardrail and rolling down a hill, I came upon a farmhouse, got to use the phone, and a tow truck appeared shortly thereafter. Grandma sat next to the driver, who was about ten years younger than she, and absolutely enchanted him with stories. She told me after we'd secured a rental car: "I wasn't worried about the cold. I have a bottle of scotch in my purse."

12) What you're still grappling with?

Like all dyslexic agnostic insomniacs: I stay up all night wondering whether there really is a dog.

13) Winter, spring, summer or fall?

Fall. Another reason to have moved back east from L.A.

14) Carol King or James Taylor?

(Don't think I didn't get the reference and am now not mad about having that line cycling through my head.) Carol(e) King. I didn't hear as much King after her moment of heavy rotation, but at least I never heard from her suckage like Follow The People, or whatever that song was. I mean, how do you make an album like "Sweet Baby James" and then smother the world with treacle for your next eighty albums? Answer, and a message to the kids: Don't use heroin. But if you do, don't stop. It'll mess you up for sure.

15) Do you look at your mouth when you are brushing your teeth or just look around the room?

Choice (c): I stare bleakly into my eyes.

Well, maybe just forlornly. Or glazedly.

Wait. I want to change an answer. I am still grappling with why my spellchecker underlines "glazedly."