That "Women" Article

Virtually everyone I read has already weighed in on the Charlotte Allen thumbsucker in the WaPo. Many have dismissed this opening bit of idiocy:

As far as I'm concerned, she has proved that she [Hillary Clinton (you needed the brackets?)] can't debate ...

by noting that almost anyone who's actually watched these things agrees this is probably her one strong point. Until the last one, maybe.

The only conceivable good to come of all this might be that we'll stop talking about that killer whale article.

Also, Roy has taken his usual masterful turn, contrasting and comparing the piece with the Web's best known no-really-I'm-straight virgin male's musings. One walks a path Roy has already trod with no hope of improving.

That said, sometimes we must fisk for one reason, and for one reason only …

<spleen venting>

And obviously men do dumb things, too, although my husband has perfectly good explanations for why he eats standing up at the stove (when I'm not around) or pulls down all the blinds so the house looks like a cave (also when I'm not around): It has to do with the aggressive male nature and an instinctive fear of danger from other aggressive men.

No. It really doesn't. The first has to do with efficiency and hunger. If you want to be mean about it, you could relabel these as laziness and poor impulse control.

As to the second: Didn't we Y-chromos used to take endless crap about being too cheap to buy window treatments? Not to mention peeing with the door open? Guys who pull the blinds that their women have made them tolerate are doing this for one reason only: better contrast while we're playing on our computers.

When men do dumb things, though, they tend to be catastrophically dumb … Women's foolishness is usually harmless.

Guess who was lucky enough never to trust a man to handle birth control.

What is it about us women? Why do we always fall for the hysterical, the superficial and the gooily sentimental?

Indeed. The words "drama queen," "floozy," and "bimbo" have never meant anything to me. Never been even temporarily attracted to anyone of that type. No, sir ma'am.

Oh, did I fail to see where you were going with this? Perhaps so.

Take a look at the New York Times bestseller list.

Okay, I did. I noticed only that the thirst for Jonanism is still embarrassingly unslaked. Somehow, I doubt women are buying every copy.

I swear no man watches "Grey's Anatomy" unless his girlfriend forces him to.

Could be. Hard as this may be to believe, though, some of us don't watch any other shows, either. (Except, of course, out of hopes of getting laid politeness.) And some guys probably actually do watch the show, unhenpecked. And, would you accept an assertion that no woman ever willingly watches sports?

No man bakes cookies for his dog.

I have opened cans of tuna that I had no intention of eating, just so the resident felines could lap the water. I have spent more on catnip in the past decade than I have on any other herb. My vet bills are at least three orders of magnitude greater than my own doctor bills. What else you got?

No man feels blue and takes off work to spend the day in bed with a copy of "The Friday Night Knitting Club."

Fair enough. When I need a mental health day, I lean more toward Andrew Vachss.

No man contracts nebulous diseases whose existence is disputed by many if not all doctors …

Have we forgotten those poor male yuppies and their Epstein-Barr syndrome?

I don't even know how many pairs of shoes I own.

Nor do I. Course, that may have something to do with my unwillingness to "straighten up this mess."

I have coasted through life and academia on the basis of an excellent memory and superior verbal skills …

This article aside, of course.

I don't mind recognizing and accepting that the women in history I admire most … were brilliant outliers.

Yeah. All my male heroes were depressingly normal.

And the closer (second ellipsis hers):

... down deep, we are . . . kind of dim.

If ever there was a time to invoke the phrase "speak for yourself," now is it.

</spleen venting>

I'll just add: Charlotte, you either need to get out more and meet some different men, or you at least need to learn how to talk to the men you do meet. Might help to meet some different women, too.

And as much as I say vive la difference, I can't wait for a day when such tripe no longer makes it past the editor's shredder.