Tuesday, July 27, 2010

What's the matter with Kansas? You mean, apart from their Republicans?

Apparently fed up with the whining entreaties of His children, not to mention their endless bickering with each other about who He loves the most, God has resigned his position as Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of the Universe and taken a new position. He has joined the board of directors of Wichita, Kansas-based non-profit, the Association for Honest Attorneys. A site with its own Enemies List!

On a possibly related note, notice has been given of interest in another change of employment, as displayed by this banner on the website of the group's current CEO, Joan Heffington:

Heffington for Governor

O: say, can you see?
Nah. Cross that one off.

Also, the pattern of
6 stars, 1 star, 6 stars
means nothing.

Why does she want this new gig? Here are her top three goals. Her holy trinity, if you will. Of bullet points. So to speak.

Would-be governor of Kansas Joan Heffington's top three goals

Versus? Versus! Truly, Joan Heffington has no crazy views. About anything.


But wait, there's more! If you pick her, you also get a new Lt. Governor! Meet Pastor Mark Holick, and find out what he'd like to implement:

Spirit One Christian Center Mission Statement

 1. Turning hearts of fathers to their families.
 2. Proclaiming the nobility and glory of motherhood.
 3. Reviving the doctrine of “Women and Children First”.
 4. Embracing the blessing of children and the sanctity of human life.
 5. Building a culture of virtuous boyhood and girlhood.
 6. Reinforcing Godly masculinity and femininity.
 7. Understanding family culture as religion externalized.
 8. Teaching history as the Providence of God.
 9. Developing Biblical Worldview.
10. Training character by Hebrew discipleship and home education.
11. Communicating the applicability of the Law of God.
12. Addressing the ethical issues of the Twenty-First Century.
13. Preparing men to stand in the gates.
14. Encouraging unity between the church and home

Man, it's just Dog Whistle 101, isn't it?
Gay biology teachers for Heffington/Holick!

And Pastor Holick has his own sign!

Mark Holick billboard claiming Obama is Muslim.  This is a sin, apparently.

In conclusion: Sam Brownback, Reasonable Republican. Raise your hand! For manimals!

[Added] Post title changed after initial posting, because post went somewhere different. If you're wondering about the permalink's URL, I mean.

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